Afghan women
Guest Post From Aysha, a student in a Kabuli high school
Sunday, January 12th, 2014
Aysha contacted me asking if I would edit her story about how she helped her classmates with some of psychological issues.
Aysha is an example of the younger generation in Afghanistan who are eager to improve themselves and rebuild their country. Aysha’s story is interesting because she shares her thought process as her seven-day project unfolds. Please leave comments for her below.
And now, I introduce Aysha…
Salaam Alikom means peace be with you.
We Muslims say this so that the person we are talking should know that he/she is safe with us and we mean no harm for them..
My name is Aysha Mirbacha and I study in Al-Fatha High School class 11. I live in Kabul, the capital of Afghanistan. My first day in Al-Fatha high school was in the year 2008. I didn’t have any friends, but at that time I did not lose myself mentally. I would just go to study and come back home. As time passed I found many friends, and they would talk with me and meet me, but one day I recognized that they never said that I was happy. In fact, they said it seems like I feel pain and am unhappy.
I thought: please kill me, my life means nothing. I started thinking why, that’s not normal. They helped by talking and sharing feelings. I start to think positively, but I knew that was not going to help. They should start thinking positively too.
MY SEVEN DAYS
Ever since I was younger, I learned and heard one thing: Be like a girl, don’t go out, don’t talk to strangers, you don’t need friends.
But then I said to myself “there is a better world, and if I know that then others should also”. I was thinking of what to do, how to help, and then I learned about depression on online websites and gathered answers to all my questions. In school, I talked to my teachers and one of my classmates. I started researching, and I wanted to show them that what are they doing and thinking is making their problems worse.
I had 7 days only because our exams were in 25 days.
Day 1_
I was thinking that I can’t do this alone. I need help.
One of my classmates, Shayesta, came and asked me, “Aysha what is the problem? Can I help you with it?” I invited her to join me, and she said “yes I would love to”. She made me very happy. Shayesta said, “keep on with your research and I will see what I can do.”
Day2_
I said to Shayesta: “This is too much pressure on me in 7 days. I can’t do this.”
She said to me: “Aysha, stress doesn’t solve anything.” I had my computer and Shayesta told me we can do this. I will find answers for the stress problems from the side of Islam because we all are Monotheists and we believe in one God. I will search using that strength and you should search from science to see what science can prove.
I told Shayeata that she solved all my problems once we both were alone.
No one was there to help us but we didn’t lose hope. We worked together and talked to our teachers and classmates – people I knew or even those I didn’t.
I was worried and I said to Shayesta: “what if the principal doesn’t accept our project?”
She said, “Aysha we aren’t doing anything bad, we are helping. They won’t say ‘no’ to us. They will give us a chance, don’t worry at all.”
Day3_
We were working on our research and thinking how to sort it better. I was in my computer lab since bringing computers to school is not allowed by my teacher.
She asked me: “what’s in your hand Aysha?” I said it was a computer and that we are working on a project about Afghan girls’ stress. I suddenly said that students have family and environment problems which prevent them from studying.
The teacher said that it sounded like a very good project. The teacher asked how she can help, and we were a little shocked!
She then said that we should give a conference about it and she would find a projector for us to use.
Sayesta and I were amazed.
Day4_
We had 3 days only. Time was passing so fast, and I found out how precious time is. We were working and praying that Allah may help us. But we faced a huge problem to meet the deadline.
Shayesta told me she wished we hadn’t done this at all and she didn’t think we can do it. I said yes we can. If you and I started this, we will finish it. I wasn’t sure about it and tears came out. I wiped them fast so she would not understand my doubts.
We decided to make question sheets so by writing we can see our problems. We decided that this Friday we would stay home and make our questions and then print them. Shayesta said to forget about it, we are not even ready for our conference. I told her to leave this responsibility to me.
Day5_
I was at home with my family helping my mom and sisters and brother with daily work, and during the evening I had time to work on my question sheets. I completed my writing and I practiced for my conference. Everything was going well until morning sunrise when I went to school. I was so tired. When I met with Shayesta she told me she wasn’t coming tomorrow since she had to work at home. I couldn’t do or say anything because it’s her family, and she may have personal problems.
I told her to be here on Monday for sure, but today we will practice. We went to the principal’s office we told her everything about our project. She was very happy. The principal also gave me a movie. She told me I should watch this and that I will find many answer since the movie was about the secret of happiness.
Then, we used our school printer for copies of the question sheets, but we weren’t allowed to print all we needed. We asked permission for the conference in school and it was granted so we were very happy. I felt like I was flying. We both were running and went to class when one of our teachers called and said she wanted to help us with this work. She led us to our school library to make 100 copies of the sheets, and believe it or not, I have been studying for four years and it was my first time in the school library.
She copied the question sheets for us, and Shayesta told me that our problems are getting solved.
Day-6
Tomorrow was the big day for me and Shayesta, and we were definitely ready.
Everyone wished us the best of luck including my teachers and classmates. We took the hall key and went to assemble the chairs, fans and I checked the mic. It was working well but the projector was not working. We tried our best but it still didn’t work. Some of my classmates came and we checked all the wires, but they were all broken. I asked for help to re-join them and then the projector worked. It was unbelievable!
When everything was ready for tomorrow, Shayesta told me best of luck tomorrow is our day.
I just smiled and walk away to class.
Day-7
Finally, it was the day we had been waiting for.
We both went to the principal’s office for the key, but the principal suddenly said that we were not allowed to go in the hall and give our conference! We were both shocked I asked why she didn’t tell us before.
We had worked hard on this project. This is not fair! Shayesta and I both were about to cry. We thought everything was done. When I turned my head, I saw my teachers and I ran to them but when they talked to the principal she didn’t change her mind. Shayesta said we are wasting time.
Walking in the stairs, I saw my teacher that had helped in the library and I rushed to her and told her everything. She went to the office and gave us the key. All my classmates came to help me and Shaesta went to call the students from other classes. Some went to ask teachers to come. So the conference got started.
At the start the announcer started her talk about our title and why are we giving this conference. Students and teachers liked the title and they said it was helpful. After the announcer and Shayesta finished, I started my speech. I was a little shy and scared because it was in front of hundreds of students and teachers. I start to wipe my sweat.
But at the end, everyone stood up and clapped for us. The feeling was perfect. After that many students came and asked me for help. When I finished Shayesta and I were surrounded by many students. I didn’t understand what they were doing and Sonam, the announcer, said they want help from me. My classmates came and asked questions one by one.
They said they felt like they were born again with a new life, happiness, love and everything beautiful in this world.
After 3 days, we were still working to help students who wanted to talk to the principal. The office called us to say we would be rewarded with a certificate. Shaysta, Sonam and I were very happy. I was proud to be me. I felt good and peaceful to help others girls around my school environment and I am looking forward to helping them more
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Karzai’s Failures
Sunday, September 8th, 2013
An article on peacewomen.org listed numerous ways that Karzai has failed as a leader and especially in his mandate to improve the lives of his countrywomen. But the article only highlights Karzai’s more recent failures to support women. A complete accounting would require volumes.
It is common these days to lambast Karzai for his back-peddling on women’s issues. Afghan women have sadly come to realize that they can’t rely on him nor his government to stand up for them. Fortunately, many Afghan women are standing up for themselves.
Naheed Farid, the 29 year-old MP who won the most votes of all female candidates says, “I could not believe that I was able to overcome the conservative ideology of my society and receive the religious votes. I was welcomed by my generation and many youth voted for me.” ()
There are many progressive Afghans (men and women) working for women’s rights. They form a counterbalance to the increasing fundamentalism in the government. One organization is Afghanistan 1400, a mixed-gender group dedicated to “mobilizing and creating a political platform for the new generation of Afghanistan. It will empower the new generation to partake in Afghanistan’s political, social, and economic development.” Young Women for Change is another of many such groups, as is the Afghan Youth Peace Volunteers.
We rank and file outsiders can have little influence over Karzai. From everything I’ve read and the Afghans I’ve talked with, he is a weak man with little power who sides with whichever way he senses that the wind is blowing. Rather than wringing our hands over his failures to protect women, we need to support the Afghans who are working to turn the tide of fundamentalism. We can connect with and encourage them online, but it is also vital that we support their efforts monetarily. In addition to the organizations mentioned above, education with a human rights component has the best long term chance to transform the society. With 42% of the country’s population under the age of 14, there is great potential for the future reform of misogynistic traditions. The Afghan Institute of learning is one organization making a lot of difference in rural areas and Ayni is educating thousands in the Mazar-e Sharif area of Northern Afghanistan. RAWA works throughout the country.
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Blame for The kidnapping of Fariba Ahmadi Kakar
Monday, August 26th, 2013
The kidnapping of Fariba Ahmadi Kakar adds to the growing number of attacks against prominent women in Afghanistan and reinforces the idea that Afghanistan and the rights of its women will go down the tubes once US and NATO troops leave. First let me express my sympathy to this courageous member of Afghanistan’s lower house of Parliament and her family. The increasing frequency of these attacks is frightening and is indeed setting back gains that women have made. However, there are some misconceptions that many media sources are reinforcing.
Numerous articles accuse the Taliban of this crime. Although the BBC reports “police said Fariba Ahmadi Kakar was abducted by armed men” the picture caption said her captors were Taliban. The Tribune said “Taliban spokesman Zabihullah Mujahid said he did not know who staged the attack” as the article continued on to blame the Taliban.
It is tempting to accuse the Taliban of this crime. Maybe they did it, but usually they are quick to claim responsibility for their cruel, heartless violence. The truth is that there are a variety of other possible actors, including warlords, who, in addition to general criminality, also terrorize in order to stifle women’s participation in society. These guys, Hekmatyr and Dostom among them, are already preparing to fight the Taliban should they try to re-take Afghanistan. Given a choice, rule by Taliban may be preferable to rule by warlords because the Taliban have a code of ethics, no matter how perverse it may be. In the past, warlords fighting among themselves created chaos and lawlessness throughout the country. Their attacks were random; they only cared about increasing their power and wealth and their attitudes towards women resembled the Taliban’s.
Another possible perpetrator of this kidnapping could be common criminals, or people personally angry at Fariba for things she has said or done. For example, the husband of Najia, one of the women in Gathering Strength, was kidnapped by criminals to get back at her for working to bring transparency to the Ministry of Finance. They had texted her with warnings but she hadn’t taken them seriously. They set her beaten husband free once she raised the money for his ransom.
It is erroneous to think that the erosion of hard-won women’s rights as international forces prepare to leave is a one-way street. Ever since 2002, the strides women have made have seen mixed progress. Attacks on women, especially prominent women, have occurred during the whole period, in spite of the full contingent of Allied troops. Still, brave women have continued to rise to the challenge. Even if the troops were not leaving, there would still be no guarantee that foreign forces would be able to “keep the wolves at bay”. In reality, the international troops are in part fighting the proxies of Pakistan as well as other extremists supported by elements in Saudi Arabia and other Gulf states. Iran also has its fingers in the pie. Should those countries and non-state actors step up their insurgency support, the West would become less and less effective in maintaining any space for Afghan women to pursue their rights, whether troops are withdrawn or not.
It’s important to look at Afghanistan with a long-term view. What can effectively undermine the anti-women sentiments that are found especially in the rural areas? One is human rights education, usually part and parcel of education and literacy courses. Great strides have been made to educate urban young people, but much more work needs to be done in the rural areas, a seat of misogynistic traditions. We can support organizations that are leading the way, especially those effectively run by Afghans, such as The Afghan Institute of Learning among others. It’s not too late and it will make a huge difference to future generations to enable more courageous women to step into leadership roles in their society.
¹ BBC Afghanistan: MP Fariba Ahmadi Karkar abducted in Ghazni 13 Aug. 2013
² Female parliamentarian kidnapped by Taliban supporters in Afghanistan 13 Aug. 2013
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Meeting Malalai
Tuesday, December 4th, 2012
When I heard that Malalai was touring the US, I flew to Sonali Kolhatkar’s (author of Bleeding Afghanistan) California home where the young Afghan would be staying, to meet her. When Malalai walked into living room she seemed quiet and shy but once we began the interview, she became animated and energetic.
Malalai is most famous for her short speech as an elected member of the constitutional Loya Jerga (2003), when she addressed the elephant in the room that Afghans were already cognizant of and asked, how Afghanistan could become a democracy when there were warlords and criminals in the government. The audience erupted into angry chaos and her three-minute allotted speaking time was cut short after only a minute and a half. Angry lawmakers threw empty water bottles at her and shouted insults and death threats. Supporters and UN security forces gathered around to shield her. She was only 24 at the time. I met her during her first tour of the United States in 2006, after she had been elected as one of 249 Members of Parliament. Her outspokenness got her in trouble there as well and a year and two months later she was banned from that institution also.
At first, I wondered why she didn’t bite her tongue and try to work peacefully to make changes in the laws affecting women. Surely, that would be a more effective way to change women’s lives. Why stir the hornet’s nest? But then I realized that she wasn’t speaking to the other MPs, who already knew the situation, but to the international press and development leaders who were ready to pour billions in to Afghanistan’s reconstruction. They, too, were likely aware of the horrific human rights records of some of the MPs, but Malalai’s speaking out made that awareness public.
Malalai is also important because she’s a voice from a region across the country from Kabul. Most non-embedded reporters work from Kabul and investigate stories from there. Their view, the dominant one in the media, comes from that perspective and it’s very helpful to hear the voice of someone from conflict areas, especially a woman’s voice.
There is more of my interview with Malalai as well as with other Parliamentarians and women from all walks of life in my book, Gathering Strength: Conversations with Afghan Women which is available in many online bookstores as well as my publisher’s site, Pomegranate Grove Press.
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Peggy Kelsey created the Afghan Women’s Project and in 2003 and 2010 traveled to Afghanistan to photograph and interview women. She shares her dynamic slide presentations with audiences around the world. Her book, Gathering Strength: Conversations with Afghan Women, came out in October, 2012.
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Suraia Perlika
Thursday, March 3rd, 2011
You will be able to read about the further exploits of Tajwar in my book which is scheduled to be out in January of 2012. Her life story is the story of the “freedom fighters” as she called them.
I’m now working on Suraia Perlika’s life story which tells of another woman also working for women’s rights and education, but from the Comunist side. She was one of the founders of the Democratic Women’s Organization which was supported by the Communists and also used as propaganda by them to show how much they’ve improved the lives of Afghan women. Ultimately, they imprisoned Suraia and put her on the “death list” but at the last minute she was pardoned by a rival Communist faction who had just come to power. She revived the Democratic Women’s Organiation as the Afghan Womens’ Union and gave herself the made-up name, Suraia Perlika.
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Commentary on the Aisha NY Times Article
Sunday, August 8th, 2010
Often glossed over in the story of Aisha, the beautiful 18-year-old woman who was disfigured as retribution for running away from her inhuman marriage, was that although it was a Taliban commander who ordered her horrific punishment, it was her husband (also a Taliban commander) who held her down.
This sort of human rights abuse has been going on since pre-history in the form of “blood debt”, a sacrificial attempt at holding the fabric of society together. To redress an offense, the family of the perpetrator gives a child in marriage to the wronged family. In Aisha’s case, she was married off to atone for her uncle having killed of one of her husband’s relatives. These unfortunate women are generally treated as slaves and subject to all kinds of abuse from their husbands, mothers-in-law and other family members.
The perpetrators of this crime against human rights were Taliban, but it didn’t happen because they were Taliban. As with honor killings, the custom of murdering women for destroying the perceived honor of their family, whether proven or only suspected, the blood debt is a means of restoring honor to the family and stability to the society at large. The father and/or brothers who carry it out are following the age-old customs of their culture. Even completely eradicating the Taliban wouldn’t put an end to the brutality of these practices.
Rather, the way to improve human rights in the long run is through rural education in areas such as the village Aisha came from. It’s great that a large number of foreign NGOs are currently working in Afghanistan, some even in remote provinces, to promote education and build schools. As crucial as it is to educate girls, transforming society through human rights education is also important for boys who will grow up to be the ones in control.
However, the best, most sustainable way for this to happen is via Afghan NGOs. Not only are they mostly more cost effective, but they are more likely to be accepted by local people and to weather the changes coming forth in the next few years. We can participate in this by supporting such organizations as The Afghan Institute of Learning (AIL), an NGO founded by Sakina Yacoobi steming from her work in the Afghan refugee camps in Pakistan. AIL’s curriculum, based on the Koran, teaches about women’s and human rights in addition to academics. They spread their work exponentially by training teachers in modern teaching methods and by focusing on opening schools in the rural areas where they are invited. (They have more requests than they can handle and more contributions can help them reach farther.) You can contribute to their work via their American partner, Creating Hope International.
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